Soft Skills that Exponentially Uplevel Your Leadership June 12, 2022 by Belinda EganWelcome to Courageous Leadership with me, Belinda Egan. If you’re new here, I’m an Executive Leadership Coach with one goal: to teach today’s leaders how to lead courageously – meaning, from the heart, authentically, while practicing vulnerability and resilience as you lead your teams. Today’s leaders are faced with a few big (but good) challenges: Remote and hybrid work has shifted the way that teams and leaders communicate and work together towards common goals Employee engagement and retention are becoming more difficult to manage across all sectors of the workforce As older generations are retiring and Millennials and Gen-Zs are becoming the mass majority of workers, values and priorities are shifting to become more about personal fulfillment and connection at work The solution to all of these lies in the challenge itself – an inability to connect on a meaningful level. We need to learn how to connect with and understand one another much better than we’re currently doing. If this sounds airy-fairy, lollipops and gumdrops, and totally unrealistic, read on. The key to effective leadership is to practice listening – really listening You ‘hear’ a lot of stuff all day every day. The ambiance of the world around you: the click of your keyboard as you type, the birds outside, the cars whizzing by, the wind in the trees, people talking. But how often do you actually tune in and listen? By default, most of us only listen for things that have to do with us directly: someone calling our name, an alarm that we’ve set going off, the microwave beeping to tell us the food is ready, the phone ringing. We use our ears to direct our actions. And once we know what we’re doing, we stop actively listening until we need to hear something again. We do this same ‘tuning in and out’ when it comes to connecting with other people. And if you’re a leader, this is a big problem. Today’s lesson digs into the art of listening, and how the type of listening you do most often is either harming or helping your trajectory as a leader. The 3 levels of listening, and what they’re used for As mentioned earlier, your default state of ‘listening’ is most likely only ‘hearing’ – that is, passively observing noises that don’t directly affect you. This is called subjective listening – and when done during a conversation, it can be damaging to your connection to another person, especially as a leader. Subjective listening is: Passive – waiting for your turn to speak, not attempting to understand what’s being said ‘Self’ focused – you are ‘tuned out’ (though you might not be aware of it) and only searching for clues that what’s being said is about you or will impact you in some way Subjective listening leads to: A surface-level understanding of what’s being said (or sometimes, a total misunderstanding of it) The other person feeling like you’re not really listening A lack of a deeper connection taking place Subjective listening is used for/by: People who are in a hurry to gain one specific piece of information Rushing through an interaction to achieve something quickly Situations where it is okay to ‘tune out’ and only pay attention for a specific detail As I’m sure you can imagine, in most leadership situations, subjective listening isn’t very helpful – unless you’re in a meeting where you are only needed for a small time, or you will only be expected to communicate a specific piece of information to someone. However, if you’re frequently in a rush or overwhelmed or inundated with a crazy amount of tasks to oversee, you might find you often slip into subjective listening with your team members and peers, even when it’s unhelpful to the situation. The second type of listening, obbjective listening, is a better type to use as a leader. Objective listening is: Present – you’re mutually engaged in communication, and following what is being said. ‘Other’ focused – the speaker feels like they are being heard and understood. Objective listening leads to: A deeper understanding of another person or a situation A deeper connection between two individuals or a group Learning new information or clarifying something you were unsure about Objective listening is used for/by: Deepening connections, sharing experiences, and learning new information Individuals who have the time and mental capacity to be ‘tuned in’ and present for communication Showing others that you respect them and care about their experience Leaders who use objective listening have made space in their day to do so, and they usually don’t feel pulled in a thousand directions at once. They are generally calm and centered, and others perceive them as being respectful, wise and open-minded – or, at least, they present this to others when communicating. Objective listening takes practice. It requires quieting your inner dialogue and ‘tuning in’ to the experience of others. You aren’t waiting for your turn to speak – instead, you’re listening to understand, and not worrying about how you will respond. The final type of listening, intuitive listening, is a highly-skilled practice that most leaders (in fact, most people) aren’t very good at it, because it really goes against our nature. Intuitive listening is: Perceptive – the listener is entirely focused on understanding what is being communicated, as well as what’s not being communicated. ‘Possibilities’ focused – all parties are focused, engaged, and not trying to ‘achieve’ anything, but rather stay open, curious, and excited for what will happen during communication Intuitive listening leads to: A meaningful connection between two people or a group Individuals who feel seen, heard, respected and honored Visionary conversations, the opening of new doors and opportunities, and belief-altering perspectives being shared Intuitive listening is used by/for: Individuals who enter a conversation with an open mind, and are curious and excited about possibilities Individuals who don’t tie their identity to their current beliefs about the world and people Changing minds, changing directions, changing lives Intuitive listening is something that we can spend our whole lives trying to master, and probably never get there – but it’s a great goal to reach for. When leaders engage in intuitive listening, they’re entirely present and focused on understanding, learning, and creating new realities with the person or group they’re engaged with. Intuitive listening requires a leader who has put her ego and beliefs aside, and is simply entering a playful, curious dynamic with a fellow human in order to achieve a common goal, share experiences, and get excited about the possibilities that unfold. This means that while you acknowledge that your experience may lead you to believe one thing or think one particular solution might be best, you are not trying to ‘lead’ the conversation to that solution or change anyone’s mind – and you’re also willing to have your mind changed, as well! Intuitive listening is best used in situations where there is no clear-cut solution to a problem. Your goal is to align your team in understanding and a deeper connection with one another and you while discovering what’s possible. As we know, a great deal of what happens during a conversation is entirely non-verbal and has nothing to do with listening. But you can be practicing all the non-verbal cues of active listening (leaning in, nodding or murmuring in agreement, eye contact) but still not be retaining what’s unfolding before your eyes and ears. A courageous leader practices vulnerability, openness, curiosity and genuine interest in others whenever possible. Are you ready to level up your leadership skills and change your organization from the inside out?